Making new friends

We've been living at our new home for 2 months now. So, this past weekend, I gave Devin an opportunity to meet some of the neighborhood kids, in hope that we would find someone his age, and he'd have some new friends to play with. So, our first stop was the house behind ours. I've seen the kids in the backyard (I know, I was snooping, lol), and I've noticed they have a set of twin boys who appear to be a tad bit older than Devin (like maybe five) and a little girl. So we went to knock on their door, and I already rehearsed my speech in my head:

Hi, my name is Samantha, this is my son Devin and he's four years old. We just moved in the house behind you, and wanted to introduce ourselves and was wondering if your kids would be interested in playing with Devin every once in a while...

Of course, after replaying my speech in my head over and over, they weren't home. So Devin, true to form, gets upset... where are my new friends mommy? So I remembered that our old next door neighbors from our old neighborhood also moved into this neighborhood, so we decided to walk to their home and see if they were there. They have two boys, one a year older than Devin and one a year younger than Devin. Perfect! So we get to their house, and again they weren't home either. And again, Devin breaks down "mommy, where are my new friends?"

So we head back to the house, feeling totally defeated. I had good intentions, but it seems Devin is all down and out about the fact that we were unsuccessful. As we round the corner to our home, I see three kids outside in the cul-de-sac playing. "There are some friends mommy!" (he calls any little kid a "friend"). So I suggest he go introduce himself. I think it's a great skill to have, to go approach a stranger and introduce yourself to them. I guess I may have been too naive about a four year old doing it though...he goes to the edge of the garage and says "Hi" and waves shyly. Now...imagine, these kids are at least three houses away, deep in the cul-de-sac, so there was no way they were going to be able to hear or see him. So I suggest he walk closer so they can hear him. He walks a couple of steps and says again "Hi" and waves. At this point, I'm laughing inside at myself, cause I'm thinking "how did I think he was going to go up there and just speak to the kids out the blue?"

So, being a total mom, I take him and walk him to where the kids are playing. When I approach the kids, I immediately feel wierd about it, cause I'm a grown woman approaching little kids (how strange that must look-if I was watching I'd be wierded out by some stranger approaching my kids!). So I make it quick and to the point. "Hi, this is Devin, we live right there (and I point to the house), and he's four years old and we are looking for some friends. What is your names?" I let them answer and then ask them their ages. One is 8, one is 6 and one, the little girl, is surprisingly 5. I look around and think to myself, "where is the five year old's parents?" At this point, I already decide that I would never let my child out by himself at that young of an age. Yeah, we live in a gated community, and yeah we are in a cul-de-sac, but I'd still be nervous about it.

So anyway, I continue by telling them if they ever want to play with Devin, they could come over any time and get him. So we cross the street, Devin is super excited :D, and we come back in our home. TEN MINUTES LATER...the kids come ring the doorbell. It brought me back to when I was a kid, all the excitement knowing you had friends outside waiting and wanting to play, lol. Devin gets so excited, I tell him to get his shoes, and we'd go outside for a bit so they could play. Little did I know, I opened up a whole can of worms. First, I'm not comfortable, as mentioned before, with letting him play outside by himself. So I have to bundle me and Alyssa up to join him outside. Second, this kid doesn't know when to say when. So I'm standing out there for hours, watching him play with the kids, just totally excited. Which makes me happy, but man, I could be getting alot done in the house! And holding Alyssa for so long is starting to make my back ache, lol.

So again, about that can of worms I'm opened... the kids have since came over three more times wanting to play with Devin, and I've had to subject myself to hours outside monitoring them, while their parents are inside chilling. Is something wrong with this picture? Should I be okay with him playing outside by himself and just check on him every couple of minutes with my windows WIDE open? That's the inner debate I'm dealing with now. I think he's very aware of strangers and he knows not to go with anyone, but while it is probably cool with him to be independent with going outside alone, I'm not sure I'm ready for it. But there's gotta be another way for him to get his outside play time, and me be able to be inside getting my normal housework duties done. So, after speaking to hubby and my mother, I am going to try it out one day and see how it works. I'm so excited he's elated about having friends, you should see how his eyes light up when he talks about them and what they play, etc. It really makes my heart jump for joy. So we'll see how it goes...

Fruit Salad…yummy yummy

One of the best things I can do for Devin is allow him to conceptualize and create his own fruit salad. He loves fruit as is, but he loves fruit salad even more! Making fruit salad is a great way to do little side activities, like, colors, shapes, textures and even smells. I'll let Devin tell me what he wants in it, and I even let him help me wash the fruit and decide how to cut it. Today, I gave him the option of two types of apples, and even whether he wanted the peel off and how he wanted it sliced or whether he wanted it cubed. We also put grapes in and cut bananas. I recommend it highly for anyone who wants to experiment with their child in the kitchen. It'll promote healthy eating habits, as well as allow bonding time. Also, I let Devin help me pick fruit at the grocery store so he can know how to pick out fruit properly. And then when we are done, he always can't wait to sit down with a bowl of his very own creation! Hopefully, one day, we'll be able to add other things other than fruit, like granola, etc. Try it today!

What’s the deal with baby proofing?

So since we've moved in the new house, will be two months at the end of the month, I haven't had a chance to properly baby proof the house. My main concerns have been with the outlets, the gas stove, and the stairs. I haven't been too quick about getting outlet covers, because , one I'm going to need a million of them, and two, I think Devin is old and wise enough to leave them alone now, but I definitely want to get them before Alyssa starts crawling around. But with all the scares with carbon monoxide, especially because this is the first time I'm dealing with a gas stove, my biggest fear is Devin will turn those knobs like he is pretending he is flying a space ship, and leave the gas leaking in the house. And since it's pretty much odorless, at least that's what I've read, we probably won't know it's leaked much until it's too late. So I ran out and got the knob covers for the stove which fit over the knobs, and lock, so the children have to press the button to open the flip top and reveal the knob underneath. WELL, Devin was never interested in the stove, for the going on two months we've been here. But, it's funny, he didn't start becoming curious about them, until I put the knob covers on them! "What's this mommy? Why did you put these on here?" And he's already trying to figure out how to open them up and every time I open them up to cook, he's looking over my arm trying to see how I'm doing, and asking me why I put them there. So it seems as though I could've shot myself in the foot with this one…I really believe it's the whole "forbidden fruit" syndrome; basically wanting to mess with something that he can't mess with ultimately, because I've "mess-proofed" it. So now, he pays attention to it way more than he did when the knobs were naked. So, I'm wondering if baby proofing is really the best thing. Does it allow them to notice things that are instantly not accessible and make them wonder why they aren't accessible? Then you have to worry about when they go to other people's homes, and if they aren't baby proofed, then you have to watch them closely because they won't know how to deal with things correctly at non-baby proofed homes. So I'm not sure how I'm going to handle baby proofing this second go round. But it does have me wondering about the validity of the whole ritual….

“Pay attention to me mommy”

It's been a while since I've updated my blog, and I enjoy writing, it's a nice outlet for me, but finding time to do so is very difficult. Sometimes I feel I deprive my children of me when I try to have some "me" time, but it seems as though I truly never have "me" time. So as I'm researching stuff online today, my oldest, Devin, actually says "Pay attention to me mommy". WOW, talk about heart break…if you were standing in the next room, you could've heard it. I was totally unaware that he could actually feel as though I wasn't paying him any mind, and to be honest, I was so engrossed in what I was doing; I actually forgot he was standing there for five minutes or so. How could he ever feel as though I was neglecting him? We read books, we talk (all the time), we play games, we watch television, and I try to incorporate him in everything I do; including cooking and cleaning. So why for this split second did he think I wasn't paying him any attention?

Could it be I created a monster? Maybe I spend too much time paying him attention that when it's gone, he doesn't know how to act? And since Alyssa, my daughter, has been born, I've found it even harder to stretch my attention to everyone, including her, Devin and hubby, and still have time for myself. And I feel when I don't have "me" time, I tend to snap and overreact for no reason. And I know it's because I'm overwhelmed and need time to unwind and basically decompress. And I always catch myself doing it, and having to apologize for it. It's got to be a known fact, that when you are overwhelmed, you lash out.

So now I'm on a mission to find ways to prioritize and schedule more, so I can equally give attention to all, including myself.

I'm thinking:

• Movie Time with Devin & Alyssa: Alyssa is really starting to notice the tv, so how much fun would that be to have a time designated to watch movies together on a blanket on the floor while eating a snack, like popcorn?
  
• Walking around neighborhood: when it starts getting really warm, we could probably take a walk around our lake in our neighborhood and feed the ducks
  
• Game Time: Alyssa of course would sit on my lap, but Devin and I could always play some random made up card game
  
• Exercising: Dancing is one of our favorite pastimes, and even Alyssa has learned to like it when she's in her carrier, so I could always incorporate some exercising into it; I love multitasking, lol
  
• Wii: Devin loves playing the wii and what better way to unwind and spend quality time with him
  
• CPU time: Devin is really good with playing with the computer, so I could always set up our secondary laptop, let him play for an hour, while I check emails. Kill two birds with one stone!
  

Anybody has any other suggestions?

About me...

First post on my blog...yeah!

I've been blogging for some time, but really on yahoo or myspace. I never had a blog site, so I'm excited! I love to blog, so I'm happy to be able to start an actually blog site.

My name is Samantha, I live on the outskirts of Houston in a city named Pearland. I'm originally from Baton Rouge, Louisiana but moved her after I married the love of my life on July 29, 2000. We had our first child on January 11, 2005. His name is Devin. He is a silly, happy child, who loves playing with his cars, our family dog, video games, and anything else he can find to keep his attention. We are expecting our second child, a girl, due on December 11, 2005. I don't know why I can't stay away from these winter babies, especially these babies surrounding Christmas time! Yep, between birthdays and Christmas, I'll be broke.

I love to do anything crafty; sew, stamp, make candles, just about anything! If I hadn't tried it, I'm willing to try it! I like to decorate, read, write, watch movies, shop hang out with hubby and play with my little one. I even enjoy cooking every once in a while. I stay at home with my child but I like to make personalized party favors and invitations on the side for extra cash.

Anyway, I'm planning on posting every day, so I hope you decide to stick around and enjoy!

How do you parent?

Today, mostly out of antsiness, I found myself passing time on the internet on various parenting networking sites. One popular one in particular, babycenter.com, caught my eye with it's "community" features. I have been on baby center since the conception of my first child, but never took part in socializing with other soon-to-be moms on the website. So, with the impending arrival of my second lil' one, I decided to join a couple of groups to meet some other moms and read some of the posts, etc.



One of the questions they ask you during the making of your profile is "what is your parenting style?" I sat there for a while, wondering what exactly my parenting style is. I've heard of the textbook styles of parenting: authoritarian way, the permissive way, authoritative and lastly the neglectful. Wikepedia defines authoritative as expecting the child to comply to parental rules and directions and for parents and child to have an open dialogue about the set rules and acceptable behaviors. Authoritative parents allow their child to be independent letting them make their own decision and explore things more freely. They also set limits, demand maturity but when they discipline, they expain the motives for doing so. The complete opposite is the authoritarian parenting style. They have high expectations for their children to obey the rules and do not explain why the rules are set the way they are. They are also more prone to hit their child during discipline.



Permissive parenting is the parents are non-demanding, but offer nuturing and acceptance of the children. This parent wants to basically be friends with the child, and sets rules, if any, based on the child's wants. Neglectful is pretty much similiar to permissive parenting, but the parent is not involved at all in the child's life other than providing the basic needs.



I'm not sure which category my parenting style falls into. I'm more authoritarian if anything, but thinking about it made me wonder about how one knows how to parent anyway. I'll ask Devin to do something for me, for example, help with grocery bags, and nine times out of ten, he'll tell me no. Sometimes I'll explain why I need help, or why he should help me, other time, I just give up and don't even fight with him about it. I try to explain everything to him; if he asks me why he can't do something, I'll tell him why. I'm always hoping to appeal to his sensible side, hoping one day he'll tell me "okay, mom, that makes sense" and then if the situation ever comes up again, he'll reason with himself about whatever it may be. To me, that makes for a self-sufficient well being, hopefully so he can make the right decisions when he gets older. But maybe I'm asking too much of a three year old... he is still questioning why I have a baby in my tummy and he doesn't?



Either way, as parents, we have a very big influence in the way our child will eventually be as an adult. Negative parenting affects the child either with drugs, sex, crime, or even how they interact in other relationships. See more information here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parenting_styles. It's alot of pressure on parents, to make sure they do right by the kids. Who wants their child to grow up all messed up with issues because of the way you treated them as a child? Talk about pressure!



But how do you know if you are doing it right? How do you know if one thing you do "wrong" may not affect your child for the rest of your life? I am almost positive that every adult with a kid now is trying to raise their child different that how their parent raised them. I'm also almost positive that every adult with a kid probably resents one or two things their parents did to them while they were a child. I'm just hoping, however I handle this parenting thing, my children will grow up healthy, happy and self-sufficient.